Ultimately my struggle is with sin and committing sin through my failure to be disciplined.
It’s day 18 of my 21 day fast and I am HUNGRY for food. My desire for food is very high and I am sincerely struggling. I feel frustrated, cranky and miserable. I feel my desires wanting to overtake my commitment to God. A true assessment or rather my personal perspective is that I have not been disciplined in this particular fast for the last few weeks. The lines feel blurred. Am I fasting for myself or for God? It feels like a wrestle and struggle against myself and I don’t know the answer.
Food is a very meaningful pastime and experience for me. I enjoy it. I look forward to it and I plan for it. It’s something I look forward to every day. It’s something I feel like I have the right to enjoy without restrictions or sacrifices. I would often think about 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV) which says “whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do for the glory of God”. I used that verse to completely and thoroughly enjoy my favorite pastime of eating. However, right now, in this moment, on day 18, I am feeling restricted and restrained. I can’t seem to quantify or explain this feeling. Is food or has food been an idol for me? Have I left the desire and pleasure for food unchecked? Is my current level of desire for food sinful? I honestly cannot tell right now. Either way I am not enjoying what I’m experiencing.
Are my body, my will and my mind in rebellion against God right now? Or is this simply an expression of hunger manifesting in my body? Is this normal or should this be normal? This evening I openly and expressively rebelled when I realized it was 3 days from the end of my fast. What was surprising for me was the expression of relief that came over me. Why did my body, my soul and my spirit respond with such relief?
In John 4 after Jesus met with the Samaritan woman at the well, the disciples were offering Jesus some food to eat. Jesus’ response to them…John 4:32 (NIV) – But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about“. John 4:34 (NIV) – “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of Him who sent me and to finish His work“. Jesus’ focus was not on his hunger, though I imagine his natural body was hungry. As I think about and reflect on Jesus’ posture and how he lived and walked with the power of the Holy Spirit, I was reminded of Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) – “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
But the fruit of the Spirit is…self control
Galatians 5:22-23
Jesus exhibited self-control in all He did. Jesus is known for performing all His miracles and great works through the Holy Spirit, so it is clear to me that he manifested the fruit of the Holy Spirit, including self-control. In this moment, I do not feel as if I am manifesting this fruit or at least I am losing the battle.
Is my struggle against discipline? Am I trying to satisfy and justify my urges and failing due to a lack of commitment to discipline? How do I balance self-discipline, self-control, self-restraint and not feel like a legalist? Is that my caution? Is that my fear? I currently cannot answer these questions, and I am searching and in need of a response desperately. As I sought to understand self-control and how to attain it in a manner that pleases God, I was led to the passages below. What follows is my understanding on how to aid in this pursuit of self-control.
1 Peter 1:13-14 (AMP) – So prepare your minds for action, being completely sober [in spirit, steadfast, self-disciplined, spiritually and morally alert]… [Live] as obedient children [of God]; do not be conformed to the evil desires which governed you in your ignorance [before you knew the requirements and transforming power of the good news regarding salvation]. But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves in all your conduct [be set apart from the world by your godly character and moral courage]; Because it is written, “You shall be holy [set apart], for I am holy.”
2 Peter 1:6 (AMP) – And in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, steadfastness, and in your steadfastness, godliness.
1 Peter 5:8 (AMP) – Be sober [well balanced and self-disciplined], be alert and cautious at all times. That enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion [fiercely hungry], seeking someone to devour.
Knowledge -> Self-control -> Steadfastness -> Godliness
What I observed from the passages above is that self-control in itself is not the goal (or shouldn’t become the goal). Ultimately my struggle is with sin and committing sin through my failure to exhibit self-control. Therefore as a child of God, I should seek to acquire the fruit of the Holy Spirit, one of which is self-control, in order to abstain from sin and attain victory over it.
I also see that knowledge precedes self-control according to 2 Peter 1:6. At the end of the line is godliness which is the purpose of self-control. It is meant to please God. We discipline ourselves in order to be submitted to the will of God. As I resist the cultural and sinful desires of my body, I can successfully obey the will of God in all situations. That is the true purpose of self-control.
1 Peter 5:8 noted self-control being important in my guarding against the enemy, who prowls around looking for those who are not well balanced and self-disciplined. He takes advantage of those unprepared or with a false sense of security in their ability to withstand his schemes. This had me wondering if a lack of self-control could mean pride or overconfidence? Or a sign of immaturity, ignorance or simply being unskilled.
The word of God tells me the battle has already been won, Jesus won the victory when he died on the cross for my sins. He became sin for the entire world so that the battle over sin could be fought from a place of victory. If this is the case then why is sin such a struggle for every Christian? The questions I am seeking to answer for myself are the following: How do I live a victorious life? How do I overcome sin? How do I attain self-control for the purposes of abstaining from what is sinful in the eyes of the Lord?
I was also comforted by the following revelation in my continued pursuit to become spiritually disciplined.
1. Place my faith in Jesus Christ – Galatians 2:16 (NIV) – “…So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not be the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.”
2. I must believe and live the Word of God – James 1:22 (NIV) – “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
3. Let the Holy Spirit work in and through me – Galatians 5:16 (NIV) – “So I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
4. Renew my mind – Romans 12:2 (NIV) – “…but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”
The journey of seeking to understand and mastering self-control continues…